Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Day 32 - Step Up

Very recently I was given the opportunity to do something for myself. I should probably mention this was something that had frightened me for a very long whole life actually. Dramatic? Perhaps, but it's a fashion blog...if ever there was a call for a little drama.

Here goes, I am adopted. That might not seem like big deal to some you reading this, but for me it was. I'll start from the beginning. My parents were wonderful amazing people who never hid anything from my sister and I, always telling us we were loved and wanted. When I was about 8 we moved and started at a new school. My sister told her new friends, very proudly, we were adopted, "We are 'chosen'..they had to have you"...see why she's my hero.

Anyway, me peers decided to tease me about it, as kids do.  They told me that I was an orphan and that no one loved me or wanted me.  Well, in that moment, I made a decision...don't trust anyone with this information. This is something to hide and be ashamed of...if people find out they won't want to be my friend and like that afternoon on the playground, I would end up alone. So, like any rational person, I based the next 30+ years of my life on the comments of a bunch of 8 year olds. Here's the crazy part...we all do fun is that!

About 16 years ago I got a letter from a lady in Wisconsin telling me that my birth mother wanted to have contact. I swear, when I got this letter it was threatening, invasive and it made me angry and very scared...wonder why...tapping at the core of "my greatest fear" perhaps? No surprise that I said no and moved on with my life.

Recently, I began thinking about where I am in my life and what questions I have that I want answers to.  Simple things, "What's my heritage?", "Where did I get my artistic side?", "Who do I look like?"...this list goes on. I can only describe it as having a chunk of your life left in the dark. I had decided it was time to turn on the light.

A couple weeks back I found that old letter and reread it, guess what? It was a loving and caring, saying that if I choose to, my birth mother was available to answer any questions. I decided I was ready.  With wonderful support of my Mom, sister, and a couple of awesome friends I stepped up to plate.

It didn't take long, on Sunday I called my birth mother, her name is Claire. We had an amazing conversation.  A lot of info was shared; I'm French...I come from a long line of creative people...and apparently sound exactly like her brother on the phone. Suddenly that part of my life was filling with light.

She shared the story of my birth and how she and her high school sweetheart were separated by War and his manipulating Mother. Apparently his mom convinced him, my biological father, that I had died. It was then that Claire realized that she was alone and do what was best for me, she gave me up to my parents. 

Claire also told me I come from huge extended family...she is one of twelve.  She told me they all know about me and there isn't a family event that goes by where I don't come up.  She said I was never alone and they were always with me. Let me tell you, when the 8 year old in me heard was a pretty powerful. I have spent a good portion of my life gripping the people close to me for fear of being alone. When she said that....I could metaphorically feel that grip loosen. I am not alone and never will be.

So why the shoe today? Well he's my wish for all of you. Step up and into your life.  Even if it is scary, nothing can stop you if you walk right through it. Whether it is work, your family or a relationship thats not working, nothing is too terrifying to paralyze you. I am truly inspired by what I see around me.  From my friends who leave behind everything to dance around the world, to another who opens up with his family about a secret he has kept for years, to my 10 year old niece who gets back on the balance beam after breaking her world is filled with courage. Look at my story...complete with war-torn lovers and an evil grandmother. There is nothing there to frighten me anymore...I am standing in the light and I love it.

Get up and get going...and strap on this beaded satin pump before you leave...after all, a little drama calls for some style.

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